Just a couple of months back, I turned 10, as a mother! One full decade of wayyy too much action than I ever wanted. It gets a bit overwhelming when your little one isn’t so little anymore, right?! There are so many fond memories and stories about my quirky kid which makes me grin & giggle! For instance this one:
Once when we were out for dinner when Riddh complained, “Why do we ALWAYS have to eat where mummy wants to eat?!” He wanted to eat at Calvin’s while mommy desperately needed to dig into the signature blueberry cheesecake at Glen’s! 😀 Ram was quick to jump to my defense, “It’s mummy’s birthday week! So we need to treat her, right?!” That is when Mr. not-so-little-one explodes, “For God’s sake! You already bought her 7 dresses! How much more do we need to do for her birthday!” I honestly couldn’t stop giggling! His frustration was so amusing!
Poor thing was right…It took three more dresses for mommy to be content! Yup! I kinda make a big deal outta my birthdays! 😀 (and anniversaries!) I generally don’t shop that much but in my defense, that year a lot of stuff I liked was on discount! 😀 Let’s blame the monsoon sale! (Which luckily arrives EVERY YEAR! 😀 ) Yup! The bugger spoils me rotten! 😇
But what happened on Riddh’s birthday this year, kinda wiped my smile off! (even though temporarily!)
6th February 2020
This year we planned to send Riddh along with his few friends, off to an over night camp at Decathlon on his birthday weekend. So, on his actual birthday we were at home, intending to spend some cozy family time!
Just like a regular day, he came home after hours of football and that’s when I noticed his football shoes sitting near the TV! I wondered out loud, “Why would you put your studs near the TV!” The reply came, “Because they’re new!” That was a half lie! The little monster had already used the studs, that we bought him as his birthday gift, quite a few times!
As a responsible loving mother, I yelled, “Go put them in the shoe rack and while you’re at it…put mine too!” (which were on the floor in the house since I had just finished my workout!) He yelled back, “Why should I put your shoes?” That made me snap! “HOW COULD YOU BE SO RUDE TO ME?” which made him snap, “WHY DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO YOUR WORK!”
Honestly, what was I expecting! He had just come back from playing football and I too was in my post-workout hAngry mode! Perfect ingredients for a riot! After I assessed the situation better and realized the real reasons behind our anger, I yelled harder!
“BECAUSE WE’RE A FAMILY AND WE DO THINGS FOR EACH OTHER?! LET ME JUST STOP COOKING FOR YOU FROM TOMORROW! YOU WASH YOUR OWN CLOTHES! DO YOUR OWN THINGS!” (Which honestly was a bad argument….since I actually do none of those things…but fortunately he is too tiny to come back with a come-back!!)
Enters the Peacemaker!
Well, may be sometimes I lack the emotional maturity to deal with situations as a mother and I stoop down to kids’ level and argue! So most of the times, Ram steps up to sort things out between us.
With two fuming people in the room, Ram had a lot on his plate! He tried to calm him down and went on explaining to him, ‘Mummy does so much us!’ and added “It was Mummy who got you studs for your birthday!” Funnily, this time the angry little man had his come back and told him, “YOU bought me studs! YOU paid for it!”
I swear to God, I’m chilled out most of the times but he hit me at my weak spot! The fact is, I do feel terrible about not earning! Correction: I feel terrible about not working. And I was desperately waiting for May 2020, as Dhruvi would attend full day school, leaving me with at least 8 hours for myself!
Enraged, I spit out all the built up venom! 😛 “SO IT IS ALL ABOUT MONEY, RIGHT? You go running to do everything Papa asks for, without asking a single question! Is it because he earns and I don’t?” (Well, I know that’s not true. Ram is more of an authoritative figure in the house where as I’m a friend who you could chill with and talk to about anything and everything! Sometimes being the good cop kinda sucks, okay?! They take you for granted!)
While Ram kept convincing him to apologize to me for being mean, he kept whispering to me, “Come on! It’s his birthday!” 🙂
Now, I did feel terrible about having a heated argument on his birthday but wouldn’t it be just wrong to let it go?! It would just make him feel that he could get away with saying absolutely anything! So I stood my ground!
When I say stood my ground, I did not hug back when Ram was trying to make us both ‘hug it out’! But neither did he! Neither he said sorry nor hugged! And then it was too much drama to put up with! I’m a peace loving so I did what I thought was the best thing to do in the situation; I escaped!
As a kid, when angry coz of some random reason, I used to storm off and shut myself in my room! And when someone would ask about me, I could hear my folks gushing, “E kop-bhavan ma chey!” (She’s in her sulking chambers!) 😀 I actually can relate to the feeling now! As a mother, I literally go “Awwwwww” at every silly thing that my little ones do! (Except for when they start pointing out that I don’t earn!) 😛
Oh! This is such a cool thing to know! Back in the times when royals had an argument, there used to be dedicated “sulking chambers” for the queens called “Kop Bhavan!” Imagine a super cool anger zone! A place where a queen would go and throw all expensive stuff in wild anger! (Damn! I’m so gujju that even when I’m angry I throw pillows, cushions and newspapers!) On second thought, why would anyone keep expensive stuff in a Kop bhavan, right? A king would definitely be wise enough to not do that! OR may be he too liked ‘spoiling’ his wife! 😛
SO, annoyed with the crazy vibes in the room, I quickly served them food and stormed off to my ‘Kop Bhavan’ and desperately in need of a distraction, I started watching “Ghost Stories” that I left half way that afternoon!
BTW! Did you know the third story, the Dibakar Bannerjee one, was a political satire? ‘Ghost stories’ sucked bad but this one was just bizarre and I knew I was missing something! That is when I stumbled upon this piece! Politics aside, it is amazing how film makers come up with such amazing stuff! Okay, Cool! No more diversions!
The Mum-Son Moment!
I was all immersed in the movie when I heard the knock. (The peacemaker’s magic at play!) I opened the door and I swear to God, it looked like literally nothing had changed in 10 years! He was still sobbing like a baby, looking for his mum! 🙂
However we complain that they grow up fast, they never actually do, do they? They always, ALWAYS remain your babies! We hugged. He apologized. (Yup! In that order!)
While we both wiped our tears, I told him, Being mean to someone is as wrong as letting someone be mean to you! Well, then cuddled a lot and I wished him “Happy 10th Birthday Big Boy!”
(Also, I made a mental note of always having a party at home for his birthday! 😛 )
Parenting is a pain coz whatever you do, you are never right! Too soft; you’re spoiling them, too harsh; you’re ruining their childhood, in-between; For God’s sake! What are you?! God?! 😲
I admit, I’m figuring it out as I go and I am nowhere close to being ‘the ideal mum’ but I’m proud of two things. First, he knows that with me, he can fearlessly speak his mind without worrying about consequences and second, he does not apologize till he means it.
Just like experts at Surf Excel say, ‘Daag Acche Hai’, I totally believe, once in a while, ‘Jhagde Acche Hai’, brings you closer! Makes it real. But unlike what I did, just pick a better day!
Okay! I know I goofed up and I definitely could have handled it better, cutting back on drama… but here I am! So tell me!
Have you ever been in a situation where your little ones said something not-so-nice to you? How did you handle it? OR Even more interesting question, what did your mother/father do when you said something not-so-nice to them? 😀 Please shoot in comments section!
PS: Looks like I only write about someone when they complete 10 years in my life! Just like The Tenth Anniversary Blog, which still remains close to my heart!❤