So, very honestly, tell me, what changes after marriage? Your body, your hormones, your pheromones, moreover, you as a person, remain the same, right? However much we try to romanticize marriage, the fact is, marriage is more of a social declaration.
When I got married, It was like end of an era that hadn’t even begun! Since the time I was 17-18, I’ve been with Ram but that definitely did not stop me from enjoying attention from other men or having a crush or two. (Secretly, I do wonder how good Ram is at things, as I don’t have any benchmark to compare it with!)
When I had a crush on some guy after marriage, I felt guilty as hell! How could I like someone when I was already married! It was fundamentally so wrong. Well, one of perks of having your best buddy as your partner is that you could talk about anything and everything under the sun. With the warmest of smiles, he explained that it was okay to have crushes! It’s natural! (I am pretty sure he is regretting saying that! It was exactly like “Bandar ko Seedi or Daaru or whatever”! 😀 ) He then said one more thing…but let me tell you that a little later!
It has been a joy ride ever since (for me at least! 😛 ), discussing crushes and listening to him finding flaws with them and shooting them down! I remember, a very close friend from Big Fm Mumbai was visiting Hyderabad for a gig in Hard Rock Cafe and was kind enough to put our names on the guest-list. There, while Ram was sitting in a corner putting Riddh to sleep, along with the music and my drink, I was also enjoying the attention from the vocalist on the stage! Okay, I confess, I smiled a bit in response too..unaware of the “Shaatir” spectator in the corner. And the moment he felt that he could not put up with it anymore, he came over and handed over Riddh to me! That, unfortunately ended the my game. I almost saw the artist giving me that “look” and in no time he took his attention to more rewarding venues!
My favorite crush story is this one though! I met this guy; smart, funny, cute…but for some reason, to me it looked like his happiness was just a facade. I felt like his eyes gave away glimpses of sadness within. And I swear, I genuinely care; guy-girl-animals-earth, I do and this guy was already special! (Like all my crushes!)
It all started at a party and it was crush at first (few) one-liner(s)! So the next party, Ram comes to me and tells me, “Dekh, *Dash* aa raha hai, Sambhaal lena..(long pause)..Apne aap ko!” And sometime when I asked him, “Do you think he too has a crush on me?”, Ram said with a sad face, “Nope. I asked him to pick between you and promotion. He went with promotion!” All this would end in us having crazy-fun banter! (I Know, I know! Stupidity is our thing!) Till one fine day…
We were driving down to Coorg for our tenth anniversary celebration and as we talked about random stuff, I asked with all seriousness in the world, “*Dash* is happy with his life right?” and that ticked Ram off!! He was like, “Tu hawas ki nazar se dekh le but yeh saccha pyaar mere se bardaash nahi hoga!” (It is okay if you are lusting after him, but no true love please! 😛 ) And we went bonkers laughing!
I would have really loved it, if the joke had remained a private one! He actually went and told this to my parents!!! I was literally hiding my face in embarrassment! While my mother kept looking at me, wondering what went wrong with my up-bringing, my father almost had ‘amusement mixed with pride-wala’ smile on his face, as if saying, “Yedi hai par meri hai”! (She’s crazy but she’s mine!) 😀 Needless to say we had a hearty laugh and it felt amazing to be the most loved person in that room! 😀
So, coming back to THE question, you know what changes after marriage? The Intentions. That is what Ram meant when he told me that having crushes is normal but what you do about it, is what changes (or ideally should change), once you are committed. (Basically, you don’t go asking the guy/girl out for a date, if you have a crush post-commitment! You wait till you are over it or till you find a new crush! (and another to get over it) 😛 )
It is almost like eating a gum, you relish the initial nice & juicy phase and before it gets all dry and pointless, you spit it and pop in a new one! Basically, you just take the fun part and totally skip the unnecessary mess! 😛
Honestly, in my experience, crushes are pretty temporary, they take its course and fade away. Funnily, in our relationship, Ram hardly has any crushes coz of his high standards! (Can’t blame him right? 😎 )
P.S.: It is a two way thing: Trust! Sometime back, Ram told me about his childhood crush and how he would want to tell her someday, that he really liked her! I asked him to go search for her on Facebook and say it! (Which he did and they even met when she was visiting India!). You should do things you feel like doing, till you know it is not wrong! And again, what we term as ‘Adultery’, some couple, somewhere, would call “Open Relationship!”
*Dash*: The name is changed to protect the privacy of the innocent!
Your turn! What are your thoughts on crushes after marriage or commitment? Did you ever have one? If yes, what did you do about it? I’d love to hear you!