Extraction Without Chris Hemsworth

So recently I got an opportunity to the play lead role in the sequel of the movie “Extraction!” First part had Chris Hemsworth and Randeep Hooda, so was hoping they would star in part two too but with my luck, I ended up with a totally different duo! And you cannot imagine the pain they put me through! The movie was shot at sasta locations like my bedroom, living room and my dentist’s clinic but on the other hand, it has amazing dialogues! Some really powerful  punches on feminism, gender equality, civilization and human nature! Okay, I’ll cut the crap!

No one chugs a tin of Thumbs up says ‘Aaj kuch toofani karte hai’ and then kicks the door of a dental clinic! But I did not have a choice! Long story short, got a root canal treatment done a while ago, it failed coz apparently I’ve curved roots! And after almost 5 years long struggle with the infection, the dentist decided to pull the plug…err…pull the tooth! Join me as I narrate how expertly I transformed a moderately bearable procedure into a completely harrowing one! And then…there was drama! Of course there’s drama! There’s always drama!

Dental Emergency

I truly believe, if someone wants to become a doctor and still have a life, they should become a dentist! Like, I’ve never heard of a dentist who had to rush to his clinic at 3 am for an emergency surgery! They have a schedule that they stick to, so there’s work-life balance! Then a moron like me comes along screwing it up for them, saying its a dental emergency! 😛

My tooth extraction was actually scheduled last Friday but due to some emergency the surgeon cancelled the appointment. Then it got pushed to this Friday.  Now, the kind of twisted person I am and the kind of screwed up priorities I have, I rescheduled it to today!  (I was so desperate that I okayed getting it done with my own dentist and not wait for the surgeon! :P)

You know why? Because something really important came up! A party got scheduled on Friday and then salsa class as usual on Saturday! And there is no way in hell I would go to the party or salsa class with a swollen face! (Funnily, not going to the party or missing a class doesn’t even seem like a legit option! Yes, I am cuckoo bananas!)

Dental Issues

Apart from mental issues, I’ve got dental issues! And it’s genetic! I agree, compared to other health issues like hypertension or blood pressure, this is a fairly decent one to have but it is a bloody nagging thing and God knows it is painful! I’ve been having some or the other issue on and off since quite sometime, thanks to naturally high maintenance teeth and loosing a bit of my enamel during both my pregnancies. Trust me, I’ve been trying to avoid dentists for a while now! No offense! (Upgrading to a sonic toothbrush and water floss helped!)

But eventually it caught up and I was destined to meet him again; sit in that hot seat with the bright light blinding my eyes and my mouth wide open! Even under local anesthesia, I could literally feel him tugging at my tooth and I wondered what was he pulling, my tooth or my soul! It felt like a reaper was trying to suck the soul out of my body! I swear! And the pulling went on and on and on!  GOWSH I cannot even begin to tell you what a traumatic experience it was!

Badass-Babua

Now, I’ve this weird idea that it is heroic to go for your extraction on your own since it is your tooth that is affected and not your legs! (Something I picked from a dentist friend after she said ‘Of course you can come to the party after the extraction, pair se chal ke aana hai, daant se thodi?!) So I went on the bike while Ram was working from home. Sure, he had offered to drive me but I put on my shades and said, it’s no biggie and rode off on my own! I’M A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN after all!

Little did I know, that pulling a tooth doesn’t just affect your mouth but your entire freakin’ being! Faaaak, I was so bloody disoriented through out! I just wanted to sit back and collect myself after the treatment was over. But we’re just conditioned to not show our weak side, with so many people in the waiting room, right? Again, some more heroism!

Mujhey Drug DO!

LOL Even with all my disorientation, my gujjuness was still right in place! I had some antibiotics and painkillers at home that the dentist prescribed last week…so instead of buying the stuff from new prescription I GO HOME! Thinking, I will ask Ram to call them and confirm if they work the same.  Now, he was busy with work calls and no one at the dental clinic was picking up! I was still numb hence it was all cool! Honestly, I may be a little bit curious too, to know the degree of pain it would be! (I generally take pride avoiding painkillers and riding through the pain! Stupid, stupid heroism! :P)

After a while the doctor picked and said that antibiotics would work but the painkiller wouldn’t.  So winding up his duty calls, Ram went to get my painkillers. Now, the effect of the anesthesia was fading and along with it, faded my heroism! 😛 FAAAAAAAAK IT HURT LIKE HELL!!! I was literally waiting for the sound of the door to unlock and my knight in shining armor riding a ‘pearly white’ horse with a magic pill in one hand and a glass of water in another and save me from the tiny demons mauling the inside of my mouth! All this while I could hear Arnab Goswami screaming in my ear…”Mujhey Drug Do Drug Do Drug Do!”

The relationship between Pain and Anger

According to a research, there is a relationship between pain and anger. The way people react to situations when in pain can be completely different! For me, there are only two things that could happen when I’m in extreme pain, I break down and cry OR I GET ANGRY! AND BOY! DID I GET ANGRY!  lol I went on a rant shivering with rage, “He could have gotten the painkillers first…how many times is he gonna pick work over me! I did not even ask him to escort me to the dentist’s! How INSENSITIVE can a person be!” and so on… 😛

He interrupted me when he came back with my meds! Very quickly, I popped one and then another after five minutes coz the pain just wouldn’t subside! Now, as he hugged me to comfort me, I broke…and cried like a little baby in his arms! All my strong woman veneer, draining through my eyes! He pampered me, trying to calm me down and said stuff like, “That friend of yours messaged you and then deleted it! But I read it, he says, he is gay!” Man! Ram can come up with shittiest of things to make me laugh but it did not work this time! The pain was so much that I couldn’t even smile. I cried and cried some more.  Fortunately, then I drifted off to sleep…

P.S.: Pun intended on veneer, get it? Attempting a dental joke! :D… And that fell flat! 😛 The need to explain the joke kills the entire purpose, nai? 😛

Feminism & Gender Equality & Bullshit

Before I get into the details, let me give you a bit of background; Ram and I’ve been discussing a lot about feminism and gender equality at work place and everywhere for that matter.  He often tells me that it’s a wonderful time to be a woman! And he’s been listening to a lot of fun discussion on the same topic! 😛

Something like, a girl and a guy went on a date, the guy paid the bill and wanted to make out but the girl wasn’t ready for it! So he sends her off and calls one who was! The girl gets offended, “How could he just ask me to leave like that!”. The guy says, ‘Sure, it is your body so you have a right to say no, but it is my body too and it deserves to get what it wants.’  Now, tell me! Who is right and who is wrong!

Or at a work place, a husband and a wife apply for the same position, the wife gets selected in the name of diversity.  While the husband who was more qualified to get the job cribs in front of his friends, ‘I got rejected just coz I have a c*ck’! (True story btw!) So, what is right and what is not!

I’m not going to talk about my opinions or his opinions or details of our discussion but here’s the thing; we both believe men and women have their own strengths and weaknesses, They’re not the same for sure, BUT THEY’RE EQUALS! Hence, SPLIT THE FREAKING BILL! Always! 😛 (Unless you’re married and not earning! )

And eventually what you talk about in your day to day life, affects your day to day life! 😛

Women are raised to be dependent!

After I got up around 6 in the evening, I went downstairs to just cuddle up and laze around in his lap while he stroked my hair and worked on his laptop.  As he did, I said, ‘You should have gone to get the meds sooner, it wouldn’t have been this goddamned awful if you had’, he said, ‘I had calls’.  I felt annoyed, ‘was it more important than me suffering in pain?’ to which he added, “Dental clinic ke niche he chemist ki shop hai, you could have picked the meds from there while coming back home!”

That got me fuming! “Ektoh I went on my own, got it done myself and even getting painkiller for me is too much to ask from you? I could not even talk!” He said, “You don’t need to talk! You could just show the prescription and the chemist would have handed it over!”  WHAT THE HELL! “I wanted to come home and confirm if whatever I have at home would work!” “How much would you have saved by doing that?!” “It is not about saving but about not wasting…money and medicine!”…It went on!

And then he announced it, like winding up a discussion on stage, “That’s the difference between a woman and a man! Men are raised to get their shit done themselves no matter what, women expect men to do it for them if and when they’re not able to do it! They have a choice to not do it!  They’re raised to be dependent! It is not your fault…poore civilization ka issue!”. I retorted, “It is precisely the difference between civilized and uncivilized!” “Are you calling me UNCIVILIZED?!” Gowsh! Phirse Shuru…

All this while, I was still in his lap, still getting pampered. Funnily, I really wanted to fight but I did not want the pampering to stop! Plus, I was too tired to respond! So weighing in my options and looking at my energy levels, I let it go thinking ‘apna time aaega’!

Naagin Soja!

Later that night, Ram said he could put the meal in a grinder and make a slurry for me to eat but ended up ordering a dal khichdi.  As the evening went by, I served food to the kids and went about doing chores and that’s when it hit me! Ram would do whatever I say to help me and make it easier but he wouldn’t know what to do on his own! He is like a powerful train engine without a track! I ALWAYS have to spell it out for him! And that is what got in my vengeful little head! The boomerang had to hit back Baybeee!

Entire day, post extraction I was all defeated but as the painkillers did it’s job, my strong woman front started coming back to me!  As we went to bed and he was putting me to sleep, out of absolutely nowhere, I declared, “Men are providers but they can NEVER be caretakers! It is not about the intentions, they just don’t have it in them, they suck at it! That’s why I always miss my mother when I’m sick or in pain!”

(And then went on to describe the day I got my first covid shot! I slept hungry all day with high fever and the bugger said that he thought I would “ask for food” when I cried and complained to my mother!!)

Ram smiled and said “Naagin, Soja! Poora din muh latka ke baithi thi and look at you now!” LOLOL 😀 Small pleasures of life! Coming back with a come-back, even after a 4 hour gap is what I needed for a toothy smile!

Gratitude

While it was really painful to go through an extraction, I couldn’t help but thank God for giving me a life where I could just sulk in a cozy blanket and doze off for a day without having to worry about rest of the world! Ain’t that something! 🙂 Plus, Riddh trying to play ‘Kho gaye hum kahaan’ on his guitar from the video that we made earlier that day, made me smile. And so did Dhruvi, she hugged me when she saw me in pain and asked, ‘What do you want to do this Saturday? Breakfast in bed or Spa day? (sometimes she just surprises me with breakfast in bed…a plate of cut fruits along with a mug of piping hot green tea and for spa day…we put on sheet masks and laze around watching girlie shows!) Dint’ I mention, luckiest *itch live?! 🙂 *Touchwood!*

Winding it up!

And THAT is how, I survived an extraction without Chris Hemsworth! I would definitely have preferred him stroking my hair and putting me to sleep, but I’ll just make do with a man who is an okay-ish caretaker, because he makes me happy & I love him! (Imagine me with a toothless grin here! Kidding, it’s a molar so you can’t see it! And NOPE! I’m not sharing a picture so don’t even ask!! )

Well, the best thing about the entire episode is that…I’m finally getting implants! Unfortunately…not the kinds I always wanted!

Alright, your turn! Do you think women were raised to be dependent? Shoot your answers in comments! In fact, Shoot anything! Preferably things like “You’re a rockstar!” and “I missed you”! No pressure though!

P.S.:  This has been helping me bigtime in keeping my pearly whites moderately white! (Imagine, I drink my pre-workout black coffee with a straw! Tough life man!) Also, you gotta watch this, hon! An extremely informative video which will make your life easier, especially the first few lines! 😛

For listening to the podcast! Click on links below!

For Apple folks!

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/extraction-without-chris-hemsworth/id1653137567?i=1000614501085

On Spotify:

https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/dashboard/episode/e24mb

On Amazon Music:

https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/fdcaaa46-d4e4-4787-8a90-4f36e98116d8/episodes/5f4688c2-b517-4a30-9cba-a3164b67c4f3/high-on-oomph-extraction-without-chris-hemsworth

Oi! To compensate for an extremely non glamorous subject, I’ve put in some pretty pictures from Crete, Greece!